Friendship

The past couple of years Danny, but mostly I, have been struggling with a friendship.  Usually I am spot on when meeting someone if that person's personality will mesh with mine and if we will be friendly or "friends".  This time however I think I ignored my gut intuition and tried in vain to make a friendship work when it was very toxic to me.


My question I guess is do a lot of people find themselves in toxic friendships or is this something that occurs very rarely?


In my case the toxic friendship was based on me being used... I take 50% responsibility for the toxicity because I have a back bone and could have said no, and normally would have, but chose not to over and over again.  Most of the time I took pity on this other person or did it for the sake of my daughters friendship with this "friend's" daughter.   I was told 2 years ago to cut off this friendship from other friends who were not mutual friends of ours, and I didn't.  It just came to a point where I could give no more of myself and get nothing in return... and it wasn't just monetarily it was emotional, time.. service and compassion.  Things were wonderful if I was doing this person a favor or helping them... once I started saying no that's when things turned ugly.  Looking back over there years our family has done numerous acts of service for the other family and not once did they ever do any acts of service towards us with out a condition of we did this for you the other week and were wondering if you wouldn't mind doing this for us since we did yada yada.  There was one occasion where I let myself be pressured into spending a lot of money that I really didn't have to spend and have regretted it ever since.  I also found myself becoming more negative about the world around me which I began to dislike... I found myself making comments about others that were not complimentary which was not like me... I began to take on this other person's attitude and for that I regret.  I wish I could go back and stop myself from letting out the negative comments (I don't ever think I made mean comments, at least I hope not and I don't remember any) but my focus on the negative side of things began to suck some of the joy out of my life.  It really is easy to get sucked into the glass is half empty attitude when you surround yourself with people who see it that way.  I am not saying I don't have an occasional bad day or that nothing bad ever happens... but I like to think that at the very least I learn a good lesson form the bad things and I grow from them.


My husband, who is usually very slow on the uptake when it comes to seeing people for who they really are nailed this family on the head.  He never ever wanted to be around them, he'd grudgingly go once in a while and I'd find myself making excuses as to why he would not join us or visit.  I think he secretly got down on the ground and prayed a prayer of thanks when I told him the friendship was over.  When I did end it I felt such a relief and like this thousand pound weight had been taken of my shoulders.  This was just a confirmation that ending the friendship was the right thing to do for me.  I hadn't really understood just how much stress I had put myself under trying to remain friends.  I'm not sure exactly why I feel a little guilty about it though.  Maybe it's because I feel I should have ended it long before I did, maybe it's because I don't want to admit to myself that I failed at a friendship... even though I know intellectually it takes give and take on both parts to have a good friendship.  I'm not really sure, but I know I still struggle with it.


However I do know I will get over this and that this whole experience has brought me to treasure my friends even more.  I may not have my best friends geographically close, and we may not talk on the phone much and we may not see each other or write letters often.... but I know my true friends would be there for me in a heartbeat if I just asked.  I have been very blessed in my life to have some really awesome friends.  I would do almost anything for them and I know they would do the same.  So to all my friends who may or may not read this post.  THANK YOU for being my friend. THANK YOU for being good examples in my life.  THANK YOU for bringing me laughter to the point of almost peeing my pants (okay I might have once or twice peed my pants but you'll never know) LOL.  THANK YOU for your smile.  THANK YOU for a hug.  THANK YOU for inspiring me without even know it, and THANK YOU for being you.